· if I give a child money, candy, or a toy every time they hold out their hand?
· if I give an adult money for their medical bills?
· if I give a student notebooks and pens for school?
And what am I teaching if I don’t give anything?
I believe there are corporations who donate generous amounts of money, tangible items, and resources to a developing country, do their thing, and then leave. What they fail to do is to completely understand what a community needs, what the people want, understand how the infrastructure (public or private) can support their project, and how the program can be sustained long after they are gone. Big organizations come in, do their thing for a week, six months, whatever, and leave. I imagine some of it is fantastic, but the majority, not so. No matter the result, I am not surprised that here in Togo, the Togolese have the perception that all foreigners are rich.
Peace Corps’ philosophy, I think, (ok, I’ve drunk the PC kool-aid), is for us volunteers to become completely integrated, to take the time (our first six months to a year) to really understand the needs of the community, find and work with capable individuals, and to develop projects that are sustainable. Most importantly, it is using the human resources and infrastructure that will be here long after I am gone. This takes time. The projects we start may not come to fruition years after I leave but I can leave knowing that whatever project I start is what is wanted, needed, and sustainable. I may have projects that are a one-time event. I may have projects that fail. But this approach is completely different than a quick-fix band-aid only-to-collect-dust project, and doesn’t it make us look good in our corporate annual report?
As I see it now, having lived here in this short time, that when foreigners / tourists go to any developing country and give a piece of candy here, or some loose change there, it diminishes the hard work we are doing. Don’t do it. Refuse the urge. I have to live with the consequences of your small gesture of what you think is kindness. Ask yourself, what are you teaching?
Children chase after me to scream at me in kotokoi, “Anasera! Anasera! Yovo! Chinois! Cadeau! Cadeau!” (Foreigner! White person! Chinese person! Gift! Gift!) I get asked for cadeau and for money on a daily basis and not just from the children. Children run to me with their hand stretched out. They grab onto me. And I mean scream. Where did they learn that this behavior was acceptable?
Even the moto drivers try to rip me off because they think I’m rich. The fare is 100 CFA anywhere in the city. Everyone knows that. But they see me and they want to charge me 150 CFA, or 200, and even as high as 400. Most of the time when I say no and hop off their moto based on my principles, they sigh with a pretense of disgust, oblige, and let me jump back on. A fair fare is better than none I suppose. But I also get the guys who laugh, yell at me (yes, YELL at me), and refuse to take me based on their principle belief that I am rich. And they drive off, leaving a trail of dust. What am I teaching if I give whatever fare the driver asks from me?
Gosh Becky, you have no heart
On the contrary, I do. I am here. I wish I could change the entire Togo landscape. I wish I could have an hour with the President of this country. I wish I had an ice cube. I wish for a lot of things.
I must reserve my “gift giving” to the generous and deserving people who support Peace Corps’ efforts. It will take time for me to assess who is sincere and who has other intentions.
I’ve been asked if I brought money to give. I have explained many times and will continue to do so, that I am a volunteer. I don’t earn money and I don’t give it. What you get is what’s in between my ears. I am happy when my response is enough and they keep coming back.
I have a girl who fetches water for me from the well. In exchange, I have agreed to buy her notebooks for school. What am I teaching her? I hope something valuable. I feel good knowing that she will go to school well equipped.
There are volunteers who choose to do things differently than me. There are volunteers who hand out gifts and money on a regular basis. There are volunteers who don’t give anything, ever. As a volunteer, we have to do what we think is “right”. It is subjective. There is no right or wrong. I just know that I want to do what I think is best.
So now what?
Thank you so much for all the generous offers to send money, raise money, send gifts, etc. I am with you. I so want to give children a simple toy so they don’t have to play with rocks or old tires or my garbage. Is giving to one child better than none at all? I don’t know. I don’t have an answer that will make everyone happy.
As Peace Corps volunteers, we do have access to limited funds (by application and approval) for projects but not all volunteers make this choice. Right now, I am choosing not to. If I find a need where I can use money to fund a self-sustaining project, I will let you know and beg for your support. Please wait with me.
Just keep sending me love and happy thoughts so I’ll stay here longer. No words can accurately describe what we as volunteers live like on a daily / hourly basis. The desire to return home permeates my entire being. This is hard. I can only think, one more day.
My spirit
I received three big boxes today. Thank you to Stephen and Antonio (love the pictures and all the extra goodies), Kimberly (Chili fritos – I hugged the bag for a long, long time), and my Kooz. Oh, my Kooz…
I had to wait patiently for four days. I saw and touched each box in the post office on Saturday and again on Monday; the man in charge refused to give them to me until today, Tuesday. Why? Because I live in Togo. Nothing is as expected or planned.
I want to share with you what my dear, dear friend Kooz did for me today.
Today, I got my spirit and my soul completely and utterly nourished as they were so empty, parched, and drained of life and I had no idea until now what was going on; Now, I feel like a woman; a little girl; a person; alive; whole; a human being. I am so touched by my friend’s extreme thoughtfulness and love. I received more than any gift could ever give.
When I first opened this box, I was greeted by a wonderful scent of luxuriousness. What is this? This isn’t like anything I’ve ever opened before. The contents in this box were breathing.
Each item was gingerly and carefully wrapped in beautiful colors of tissue paper, ribbon, and hugs: heart-shaped scented soaps, lavender scented soap leaves (I took deep breaths in), a much-needed nail file (from your store!), ear plugs, peppermint foot lotion (my feet danced), a bag full of Tootsie roll lollipops (how could you possibly know I love these so?), the perfect choice of a book that I am too excited to open, Sun Art paper (for my creative side that is craving a life here; it felt so abandoned until now, and have I got a sun), a Pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey game (for my inner child, who has been stifled and awfully neglected), the most beautiful blue dress I will ever wear and I will feel stunning and gorgeous (fits perfectly), pictures that are now on my wall of joy, a letter too!, precious food, and the most astounding love I could ever feel in a way like no other.
Today, I became a human being again. I didn’t realize how detached I had become; how focused I was on surviving that I forgot who I was as a person. Over these past months, I had slowly become someone I didn’t recognize: angry, bitter, jealous, sad, mean, critical, ugly, awful. I sobbed. I had lost me. But I found her today. I found the laughter, the joy, my kid, the woman, the beauty, the hope, the love, the beautiful, the loving me. Tears of joy.
Thank you Kooz. Thank you for breathing life into my starving, and crushed spirit. I had completely forgotten to take care of me and you knew. You knew exactly what I needed. I promise to take better care of all of me. Thank you for the reminder. xoxo
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